Descent Into Darkness: The Musings Of Neville L
by milliniumgirl9
Summary: The confused, angry, jumbled thoughts of Neville L.- At the end of his 7th year at Hogwarts, Neville concludes that his life is insignificant and seeks power and a sense of belonging (YKW). Who does he contact? Draco Malfoy. OOC, after HP 5, I know.
1. It Begins

Descent Into Darkness:  
  
The Diary Of Neville Longbottom  
  
  
  
Summary: Just like the title says- At the end of the 7th year at Hogwarts, Neville looks at his life and determines why he is the way he is now. (Dark themes)  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the plot and this Beatles CD I'm sitting here listening to. The wonderful world of Harry Potter belongs J.K. Rowling. I know if I owned it, I would be rolling in money and...well, that's beside the point. So, on with the story..  
  
  
  
A/N: A bit of darkness here, and some cursing here, so if it's not your thing, all I can say is DON'T READ! Oh yeah, and review! That's what the nifty little button is there for, after all! Tell me if you liked or if you thought it sucked, and if so, why. Suggestions welcome.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Descent Into Darkness (Part 1):  
  
  
  
Basically, throughout my whole entire career at Hogwarts, I have been cast aside, looked over, and shunted aside as if I was nothing but an unimportant speck of lint on somebody's robe sleeve. Who am I? Neville Longbottom, Gryffyndor 5th year, and fuck-up extraordinaire. I don't know how I, fat little crybaby Longbottom, got sorted into the house of the brave. It has always been a bit of an enigma to me. A thought that I have pondered over all of my seven years here. I must admit sometimes that I have thought about suicide. Not unusual, really, considering all I have endured over my lifetime. But then, I remember, no one would even care, and it would probably be a burden just to be buried and to have a funeral. Oh, please, excuse me, for dying, you know, wouldn't want to bother you or trouble you at all. No one would miss me. I have no friends at all. I mean, of course I have people I see daily, and sometimes talk to, but no friends. No one to confide in, to tell my thoughts to, my wishes, my hopes. Once, or even twice, I've had an in-depth conversation with Hermione Granger (Head Girl), but that's about it. No to tell my fears to, either.  
  
  
  
  
  
If you had asked what I feared a few months ago, I would have told you Voldemort (or rather, You-Know-Who). But these past few months, I have stopped caring about things. Life, in general. Voldemort doesn't worry me anymore, and neither does Snape. My worries were and are trivial now. I really don't care what Snape says if I screw up one of his "precious" potions. Personally, I would love to tell the old bastard to fuck off one of these days, but I know it would come back to bite me in the ass in some way. He used to terrorize the hell out of me, but then I eventually realized he held no power over me whatsoever. (Besides the obvious.) But enough about him. The end of school is nearing and I still don't know what I want to do when I leave Hogwarts. I know (and people would agree) that I'm too weak and pathetic to become an Auror. And speaking of Aurors, look at what happened to my parents. Another aspect of my life I have no control over. I grew up with my Gran, and even she didn't believe in me. My own family even thought I was a Squib. Honestly! Out of all the years I spent here, nothing even remotely good has happened to me. Unless you count my first year, when I won Gryffyndor 10 points for standing up to my "friends". But even then, I got the Body- Bind curse placed on me when I did that.  
  
  
  
  
  
With me, when something with even the smallest shred of good has bad with it. (A.N: You can see I'm a bit of a pessimist here, can't you?) My life is pathetic, useless, and bleak. I wonder if I will turn out like Peter Pettigrew (former rat), betraying my "friends" in order to gain what I want. Scratch that. Deserve. I could easily move up the ranks of the Death Eaters and become one of Voldemort's top men. I could be honored beyond my dreams. Maybe then people will stop saying "Poor Neville" and actually wonder what went wrong with me instead of pitying me and feeling sorry for me. All I ever needed and wanted was a friend, someone to talk to, who would accept me. Is that too much to ask? Some would say that becoming a Death Eater would be an insult to my parents' memory, but then again, what memory? I never really knew them. They were just two people who were supposedly my family. Sometimes I wonder where I went wrong, when my thoughts became so dark, but I guess this has been happening gradually. Maybe someday I'll find out. Would I really regret it?  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Damn, Neville's a bit bitter here, isn't he? Well, he's got every right to be. Can't say I blame him, though. If you liked this, I could continue it or do other diaries of different characters. Well, whatever you think... Oh yeah, for those of you waiting on my other story Dangerous Image, just be patient! There's more coming! I've just had a lot to do, and I'm trying to finish a book for my report in English.. 


	2. Musings Of Neville L

Author's Note: Hello, all! Here is my much awaited (hahaha..not..lol) next chapter to Descent. Thanks to everyone who reviewed! I appreciate it.  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Well, you know I don't own Harry Potter.everyone knows it's J.K.'s (just the plot's mine...the workings of my weird mind) so this is kind of pointless, so anyway, please don't sue. (It's not like you'd get anything anyway, so haha on you.) On with the fic.  
  
  
  
  
  
Descent Into Darkness-Part Two: More Musings  
  
  
  
5/3- There are only a few days left until graduation and I still haven't decided what I want to do after I leave Hogwarts. I can't live with my Gran forever. I'd be even more pathetic than I am now (if that's possible). Yesterday, while I was in the library, checking out a book for my Herbology essay, I overheard Draco Malfoy and a group of seventh-year Slytherins talking about what they were going to after they left Hogwarts. They were discussing an upcoming Death Eater initiation ceremony, in not so many words of course, (even they aren't that daft) but I pretty much got the gist of it. I wonder if I were to inquire about it to Malfoy, if he would take me seriously, or laugh in my face as everyone else does. Or maybe he would wonder why I would ever go against the "Dream Team" (if he only knew how I really felt.). He seems the most logical choice to help get me on the right track, seeing as he is the leader. I am seriously considering this. I mean, I am already contemplating suicide, so why not have a little bit of glory before I die? Maybe I can figure out the "secret" all so-called good wizards want to know. What is the Dark side like? Hell, maybe I'd even like it.  
  
  
  
  
  
5/4- Well, it's too late to turn back now. I've already sent an owl to Malfoy, but I worded it in such a way that he would actually consider it and not just laugh and chuck it into the fire or ball it up and throw it way after having a laugh at my expense. (After all, he's had millions already.) At breakfast this morning, an Eagle owl rushed past and dropped a letter into my eggs. "Who's it from, Neville?", Harry asked curiously. "Just my Gran." I lied. "Well, at least it's not a Howler." I said, making them laugh and forget about it. Instantly, they went back to their conversation, and forgot all about me (big surprise) and I was off of the hook. I stuffed the letter in my bag, finished my toast, and headed out of the Great Hall to get ready for class. I figured the library would be the safest place to read it, so I grabbed a table, and pulled the piece of parchment from my bag.  
  
"Longbottom", it read, "if you are, in fact, serious, which I highly doubt, then meet me on the top of the North Tower at midnight by the portrait of the Forbidden Forest. There will be a room beside it. You had better be telling the truth, and not wasting my time, because if you are, you WILL be sorry. And come alone. Bring no one else.  
  
  
  
Suspiciously yours,  
  
Draco Malfoy.  
  
  
  
The rest of the day throughout Charms, Transfiguration, and Care of Magical Creatures, I could think of nothing else but the meeting at midnight. This could be the beginning of my future, I thought. I could be honored beyond my wildest dreams. I was anxious and nervous and couldn't concentrate. "Neville," Hermione pressed, "are you alright?" "I'm fine, Hermione. I'm just a little tired, that's all.", I responded. "If you're sure.", she said skeptically and returned back to reading Hogwarts, A History. "God, leave me alone." I muttered under my breath. "Hmmm?" she said, not really paying attention. "Nothing." I said. After dinner, I went down to the common room to work on my Transfiguration homework, making mistakes the whole way through and left a big splotch of ink below my name. "Calm down," I said to myself," you're just going to meet with Malfoy, you're not being sentenced to Azkaban."  
  
  
  
I stayed in the common room until only a few fourth-years were left at about 11:20, and left through the portrait hole. I crept down the corridors, sticking close to the walls and dark spaces, trying to avoid Filch and his cat, Peeves, and the Bloody Baron. It was times like these I wished I had an Invisibility Cloak. After about fifteen minutes of sneaking about and darting through the hallways made it to the North Tower and started to search for the painting of the Forbidden Forest. There was Draco standing by the window of the room, gazing out at the grounds below and holding my letter in his hand, the moonlight accenting his pale features. He looked at me with a mixture of surprise, disdain, and curiosity and waved the letter. "God, Longbottom, is it actually true? Or did the Dream Team put you up to this?" he muttered. "Maybe you haven't noticed, Malfoy, but I'm not as close to them as you seem to think.", I retorted softly.  
  
  
  
If his eyes ever conveyed any emotions, I'm sure it would have been shock. "Alright, Longbottom, are you serious? If you aren't, you're going to fucking regret it." he spat. "Of course I'm serious. What do I possibly have to lose?" Malfoy seemed to consider this for a moment and replied, "You know, maybe I was wrong about you, Longbottom. But I'm not saying I believe you just yet. You'll have to go through some tests before we can actually do anything about this. You know that, right?" I nodded. I was about to reply when we heard footsteps and soft "meow" outside of the door. "Oh fuck, it's Filch and his bloody cat!" he swore. He rushed to the other door. "Longbottom, I'll owl you soon. Don't say a word to anyone.", he warned. He muttered "Alohomora" and rushed out of the room and down the corridor to the dungeons. I heard Filch stop outside and whisper, "What have we here? A bunch of brats out of bed when they're not supposed to be, I daresay?" I quickly followed Malfoy's lead and ran the opposite way towards Gryffyndor Tower. 


	3. Midnight Musings and Meetings

A/N: Hello, lovely fellow writers! Well, I realize after reading HP # 5, that this is extremely, extremely OOC. Just read, okay??? I've finally gotten over writer's block and I present to ye the third installment of this story. Anyway, Neville is a very pissed-off person in this chapter. *shakes head* So much anger..Oh yeah, a bit of swearing and whatnot, so if you don't like it, don't read it. Well, come on then.oh, one more thing: the little *asterisks* denote his thoughts. (The prologue is 3rd person omniscient and the rest is 1st person.) Any constructive criticism or reviews are welcome.  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot and the Hate-The-World!Neville's evil, evil thoughts and some of the spells. The lovely J.K. owns it all and you know it!!! *sobs like Homer Simpson* Also, I think I may have borrowed some spells from Cassandra Claire's stories, so I just want to make that clear. If anyone else recognizes something, tell me and I'll be sure to give proper credit.  
  
"I'm feelin' supersonic Give me gin and tonic, You can have it all But how much do you want it?"  
  
-Oasis (Supersonic)  
  
Descent Into Darkness (ch. 3): Midnight Musings  
  
(Neville lay on his back, breathing in ragged bursts of air from the mad run back to Gryffindor Tower. His actions over the past 2 months had been extremely out-of-character. He stared blankly at the embroidered golden lions sleeping at the top of the red velvet canopy, wondering what his life would've been like if the canopy was Slytherin green instead. Neville's self-pitying musing drifted to Draco Malfoy's words at their midnight meeting. *I can't believe Malfoy actually took me seriously for once. I thought for sure he'd chuck my letter into the fire and that'd be it. I wonder what the tests will be like, though.* " Come on, Neville," he chided himself, " you can't be some stupid prat who lives with his Gran all his life. This could lead to something big and anyway, YOU wanted it, right?" Heavy snoring from Ron and constant mumbling from Seamus ("No more feathers!") distracted him. Neville sighed deeply and glanced at his magical alarm clock. "2:16 A.M." it read in swirling red and gold sparkles. *Good thing there are no classes on weekends. * He yawned loudly and turned over to his side, thinking about the upcoming graduation in June. Gradually, his thoughts slipped into the oblivion between sleep and consciousness, and he fell into a dreamless sleep, still in his crumpled school robes.)  
  
I awoke with a start to cold, sopping robes and glaring sunlight. "What the fuck?!" I shouted. Someone had opened my curtains and apparently knocked over the silver water pitcher, which would probably explain the throbbing pain in my right leg and the searing headache. "I swear to Merlin." I muttered, fumbling for my wand. "No, don't bother to pick it up, it's only Neville..." I continued mockingly. "Evaporato!" I spat bitterly, and the water slid off my robes and blankets down into a puddle on the floor. I kicked at it and some of the water sprayed onto Harry's tidy bed. *Good! * I peeled off my dirty robes and threw them to the floor. *Let someone else worry about it.* I glanced at my clock while putting on my shoes. 8:42 A.M. "Well, I can still catch breakfast. Barely, though." I grumbled. I picked up my wand and stomped down to the common room, ignoring my leg pain, and pushed the portrait hole open forcefully. It hit the stone wall and swung back into place. "Well, I NEVER!!! Where do students get off thinking they can treat me anyway they want?! The rude little." the Fat Lady squealed indignantly. I had half a mind to tell her to shove it, there was no way I was going to take abuse from a PORTRAIT. I took enough from people as it was. "Whatever." I said and ran past her. "Hmm, well isn't someone a grumpy Gryffindor today?" she called after me. *Mad, all of them.*  
  
I finally reached the noisy Great Hall, probably red in the face and still pissed off about this morning. " 'Ey, 'Eville! I 'ot 'our 'ail!" Ron said through mouthfuls of sausage and eggs. "What?" Ron swallowed and said, "I got your mail!", waving another expensive brown parchment envelope. *Oh, it's from Malfoy.* "Oh, um, thanks." I said, taking it from him. "No 'roblem 'ate!" Ron had gone back to stuffing his face again. "So.Neville, didn't you get a another letter like that yesterday?" Hermione ventured curiously. "Yeah, I SAID it was from my Gran, didn't I?" I said in a malicious voice. She looked a bit put out. "Oh, by the way," Harry spoke up, "I opened your curtains for you this morning. I didn't want to wake you, so I figured the sun could do it for me." *Wow, I didn't know "royalty" did things for their peasants. Thanks for the freezing bath, as well.* "Thanks," I said absently, tracing the wax seal insignia on the envelope with my finger. I wanted to open it now, but of course I couldn't without them wanting to know what was in it. *This could lead to a whole new world.* "Aren't you going to open your letter, Neville?" Hermione asked in her annoyingly prim and proper voice. "Um, I will later, okay?" I said absently, stuffing it hastily into my pocket. *What is with all the questions today? Since when do they take such an interest in my mail.or in me?* I grabbed a plate from the stack and piled on fried potatoes, bacon slices, and toast. I began wolfing it down as fast as possible so I could get away and read the letter. I felt eyes on the back of my head, and I turned to see Malfoy staring at me with his piercing storm-colored eyes, as if making mental notes about me. I finished my bacon, drained my pumpkin juice, and got up to leave for the library. I could still feel Malfoy watching me like a hawk as I left.  
  
I sat down at the same table as before, and waited to make sure Madam Pince was preoccupied with her Dusting Spells (to reach the higher shelves) before prying the creased letter open. I scanned the letter (this one longer than the last) and read in his tiny, elegant scrawl-  
  
"Longbottom-  
  
I have given substantial thought to your.request. However, seeing as you are both a Gryffindor and a "supposed" friend of the Wonder Trio, I will need to hold another of our midnight meetings to determine where your loyalties lie. I have reservations about this myself, but was told to go ahead with it only because you are of pureblood heritage. I presume you are familiar with Veritaserum or the Truth Spell, no? If all goes according to plan, only THEN can I inform you of the tests which you will have to endure. Meet me at midnight tonight behind the statue of Eviana the Eccentric on the 4th floor. Tap your wand to the cauldron that she's holding and say "Alethio." Don't be late or it's off, and I'll be sure to clear your memory of the entire thing. And you can't afford that, can you? It's bad enough already..  
  
Reservedly yours,  
Draco Malfoy.  
  
P.S. Burn this letter.  
  
I read the time and place again, memorizing it carefully, and whispered "Incendio." The letter crackled and twisted, and then was a small pile of ashes on the shiny surface. I quickly swept the ashes into my pocket with a backward glance and walked out of the library.  
  
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A/N: Well, tell what you think so far. Too detailed? I love feedback. Also, if anyone could tell me the HTML for italics, it'd be much appreciated. Thanks for reading! 


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